It's taken me a while to gather my thoughts and feeling for this blog. I originally wanted to write a second blog on abandonment. It turned into communication, and that has taken its own journey. 

In keeping communication in mind, I am called to remember a saying about boundaries: "Boundaries are where I can love both you and me simultaneously". But what happens when there's a breakdown or a glitch or the pendulum swung so far it got stuck? How can we communicate truth in a loving way? You can't make someone understand, you can only give them the information. What happens when someone is in a space they can't communicate, for whatever reason? I titled this "Loving One Another" for a reason. How can we accomplish being Loving in all these areas?

In my last blog, a deep childhood wound had come to the surface. Abandonment. There wasn't communication. I had no idea what was happening. I was never told what really happened. No one ever apologized. Life went on like nothing happened. It left me feeling like I did something wrong. That I was unworthy. The consistent theme that I noticed recently in the many forms of abandonment that have come up, is that I felt I did something wrong or hurtful that caused the action, and the loss of a loved one forever is the feeling that follows. It's come up for healing. I learned to abandon myself, in being abandoned. I also learned to abandon myself for what others needed, and that I will need to grovel if I want to be loved.

Back to communication. Using my childhood trauma as an example, we can see a few aspects of where communication would have greatly helped the situation. If you didn't read the blog, as a young child my parents had a fight at a party, left without saying anything to me and I was being watched by strangers. Little to no communication of what was happening.

We see that lack of communication has a lot to do with the state of where a person is in their life. It has to do with their mental and emotional maturity. Although someone is "adult", it doesn't mean they're perfect or have all the answers or even act "adult" in every situation. It's their commitment to standing in love, instead of fear, that makes the mental and emotional maturity have life. In our brains, we understand that other people are going through things we don't understand on a certain level. Another human being will gain understanding by expressing those feeling and ideas. When that expression doesn't happen, we are left trying to fill in the blanks. That feeling of filling in the blanks can be clouded by our own traumas instead of truth.

We see that that if there would have been even a little communication on my parent's end, the trauma could have been less painful and traumatic. I might have had some understanding of what happened. I may not have understood what they were going through, but at least the situation wasn't ignored. Some effort to express feelings or acknowledge someone else's feelings. At least I wouldn't have been ignored. I deserved an apology. It was a hurtful thing to do, even though it wasn't meant to be hurtful. An apology would have helped. How else is someone supposed to know without guessing? Intuitive or not, you shouldn't leave people guessing. You shouldn't have to sit there and guess. If that happens, reach out. Lately my experience has been left with utter silence, but that isn't always the case. At least I tried to be loving.

Lack of communication wasn't lack of love for me, I'm realizing. Lack of communication was lack of love and maturity they needed to do, internally. Lack of communication in this manner to another human being is lack of self on their part. They didn't abandon me, they abandoned themselves. 

Finally! Clarity! I am able to let go of the pain. It is not me! It's been a hard experience. It will probably happen again in my life. Now I have a place where I can manage the experience differently. At least now I have some peace. Now it makes more sense in my soul. I kept being told it wasn't me, and in my head I understood. My heart and soul kept hurting deeply. In healing my childhood wounds, I know my parents loved me. Looking back, in has been a long correction of how they didn’t love themselves and how those bleed onto others, especially the ones we love.

The simple truth. I knew it was there, I just needed my little girl to feel it and let it heal. She is happy again. I see their pain more clearly now. 

I hope for anyone who has had to deal with the pain of abandonment, bullying and ghosting, they may find some clarity and peace in understanding with my own revelations. It is their lack of love and maturity for themselves they are suffering. Find that space for yourself in that moment and love that little wounded child. They need you to be the loving adult that may never return.   

Sending so much Love, Peace, Light and Hope your way! "This is the way….."

Julia xo