In the Spiritual world, we talk about the Divine Feminine and the Divine Masculine. It describes "who we are" at our core. Love. Divine. Not the 3-D version of what a female or male we were led to believe. So, when we talk about the divine version, we are talking about remembering who we are "originally". And both female and male have work to do to break down the lies we've been taught. We are both on the rise! And my personal journey has felt amped up in the past few weeks.

Many of us working on reconnecting without Divinity have been doing this for some time. There has definitely been a stronger pull in the past few weeks. I have noticed it get super intense the past two to three weeks, even though there had been a heavy awareness for a few months. We are all working on this to eradicate the lies and deceit for all humanity. We are in the beginning stages.

As I stated, I've been doing this work for some time. I can easily say all my life, with strong focus the past ten years. It's been breaking down illusions and healing my traumas, in general. Recently, it's been pin pointed effort on my self-awareness, self-care and self-love. The self-love being the absolute hardest.

I have become glaringly aware of how much I've downplayed myself and my self-worth! GLARINGLY! My conscious brain, or what I believe to be my conscious brain, "knows" that I am worthy, and I know how many illusions I've broken down to this point. And wow, the amount I still have to eradicate!!! They say the amount of money in your bank account reflects your "self-worth". The issue of money has been a long-standing lesson in my life. I hate to use this comparison about money, because I'm sure this is not true of everyone. In my case, it's terrifically true! In the true sense of the word "terrific", meaning to terrify. Noticing this fact has sparked a spiral of awakening. 

I have an excellent education. I graduated a top college in the United States, Cum Laude. I have not only been certified by a world-famous teacher in Pilates, I am also the student of another world-famous teacher. Two world famous teachers are also under my belt. Besides being self-motivated and always looking for endless information, I'm a lover of all things healing, spiritual, and arts related. My financial advisor said given my background, I should be making ten times my income. YES! I agree! And why has this been such a grueling problem???

My self-worth. Again, in my head I believe it to be true. And, the fact is, my broken inner child rears her head when confronted with apathetic "adults". My inner child still hears/thinks/believes no one sees me, no one will hear me, no one will stand up, no one will show up, no one will take action. I'm left all alone. I have to do it all on my own. It makes me want to not bother. It's hard to push through and have hope that I will actually find my people. 

I've had the realizations that I really downplay myself when it comes to work. There, too, I learned I was only good enough only when I was supporting someone else in their effort. I was not supposed to receive it or else I was being conceited, or that my talents weren't really that special. Because I've noticed when I let myself shine, even those who love me and are well meaning will try to cut me down. I've realized they don't even realize their insecurities are getting their best. I've realized it's not as nasty and mean as I thought or felt in the past. I remember what I've learned about sitting with it and feeling the feeling. It makes the monster much smaller. 

I've realized I really let myself get stopped by this feeling. It can make me frozen. Immobile. Not out of fear. I don't have too much of a problem moving through fear. The feeling of someone else's judgement knocks me off my feet more than I'd like to admit. I thought I didn't care what other people thought of me, and in many aspects this is true. When it comes to my integrity and truth, it destroys my heart because I know my heart is sterling. I know there are people out there just like me, but God help to help the people who aren't and He wants me to help!!! I've realized how debilitating it is to my soul. 

I'm here to break the illusion. For myself. For other women. For all of us, so we remember again that we ARE LOVE. I always say, "We all come from Love. We all return to Love. Our journey here is to remember." The truth is, we never really left.

So, I'm forging through my fears, traumas and illusions. I know it will be magical. I'd like that magic to happen a little quicker, but as I said, it's been heightened recently. I'm sure it's about to snowball! I hope you stick around for the journey. 

Let me know how you're doing on your journey! Any insights that you are experiencing? I would love to hear from you!

Love, Light and Blessings,

Julia